HmMmMm

Welp, this is like my 4th time starting a blog. Why is it that everytime I make a new one I run into at least one road block. Well, whatever. Moving on. My thoughts haunt me all the time. I don't know what to do. I worry about anything and everything. But there are three issues that have hit me the hardest. One, the whole job situation is killing me. What the hell am I going to do with 4 jobs? Secondly, why am i taking 18 credit hours?What was i thinking? Hmmm... maybe i wasn't. I'm so confused. Am i going to keep my major the same? Change it? What? What am i going to do with my life? Secondly, I love bobby with everything I could possibly give him right now. However, something is wrong, wrong with me I guess. I love him, yet there is something instilled inside me that is causing me to hold back. What is this..."thing?" and why would it do that when he, so far, has been the best thing for me (or so it seems). Maybe i dont' know any better yet? But then I think a little harder and analyze everything. The last blog i wrote... as f*cked up as it was, there was less than a handful of people who knew about it, yet he found it? Who finds something like that? Who goes looking for something like that? This bothers me. It's unsettling and I have figured that THAT is one of the reasons why I can't settle with him. (well, at least part of the reason) For a while, I felt I was in the wrong for feeling the way I did about... about relationships, that is. When I first jumped heart first into this relationship, and halfway through the year I began to worry about whether it was too serious to fast. Then I got hit with a huge guilt trip. I was told that I WASNT too young to be so serious. I had the "if it's not broke" motto stuck in my head from the millions of times he said it to me. It may not be completely broken, but it's not 100%. GOD.... why does it have to be like this? Why did things have the change. My feelings....They aren't the same. And Now i'm afraid they never will be the way they were b4. Hmmmph. I get headaches thinking about this. I guess it's not avoidable. Might as well give it a few more minutes of my time, yea?With time, this will hopefully work itself how.. Eventually even this never-ending headache will go away. Someone help me.