A distant memory

Man, sometimes i forget just how much my mom cracks my shyt up... So i forward her emails and chains letters every so often, right? Well, when she replies to the emails, she'll usually say somethin' like "ok. thanks, love mom". So i checked my email the other day and here is her reply message "Shara, I Love you. MOM". Aw man that made my day. It's a sweet gesture, but for some reason it just makes me chuckle a little bit. Ok so remember a few weeks ago how i had to go see my ObGyn? yeah, that was such a fun adventure. NOT! Actually, i did a lot of thinking while i was in there. And for some odd reason, it also brought bak some memories. I remember at that same time last year i went to Planned Parenthood all by myself, scared to death. I remember signing all those papers and finally walking into one of the rooms...then waiting..and waiting.. I remember getting a text from bobby saying "how is everything going. lol" I was so mad at him for that. (but he didnt know that i was scared out of my mind at this point) Then i remember the gonocologist walking in, starting to work, and tears just coming down my face. Why, though? I still dont know. I just knew this visit would be different. I was a little bit older, a little bit wiser. BUt i failed to keep it together this time, as well. When i was lying on the table, tears just started coming down my face. "GAH!" is what i was thinking inside. "Why am i crying again? I've done this b4!"... I think i've finally figured it out. Both of these visits to the obgyn were exactly the same. All i could think about was how much I have changed since I started college. All i could think of was the fact that one decision that I made a year from that point resulted in me being in the position that i was in now. Soon enuff, it was over. I talked to the doctor. "Everything looks good, blah blah blah". I got up and realized that I was somehow overcoming a fear of mine. (I can't really explain it to where it's necessarily understandable, so take it for what it is.) Wow. as much as i think things have changed, i realize that not that much has. Well, I think the biggest change that will happen to me this whole school year will be while i'm away from everything i love. When I leave this country, it's gonna be a whole new ball game. One thing that i hope will happen, if nothing else, is for me to change even more for the better as a person.. By the time i come bak, i'm sure ill have a whole new perspective on life. I'm sure I'll see new alternatives to handling problems, people, and situations that i didnt before Janurary 2nd. Man, time is slowing running out....Speaking of this experience, i better make sure that I get everything in for it, u know? GOtta go find my Visa papers..