Stressin'....

Okay. I'm pissed. I'm stressed. I'm disappointed... not just in the situation i got into today, but @ myself as well. Well, me and my sister left for Chicago at 5:30-ish this morning, after I had been up on the phone since 3:45 with Robert til then. It was kind of a crazy conversation, but what can you do. Now i AM in Chicago. Got here 'round 9 somethin' this morning. Everything was going pretty smooth, so I thought until later on this evening. Well, all day Sonja (my sister) and I just lounged around until about 5pm. We finally got ready and headed downtown. Once we got down there, things went a little haywire. Everything i said to her, she thought was funny, even when I was quite serious and my face was fixed, and unchanging. It sucked. It made me feel terrible. Up until now, we have been arguing ever since then. At first, I was just being honest with her when i told her how it was getting really annoying that she was just laughing like a freakin' crack head or somethin'. But after that I started getting a little testy, which I am sorry for. I mean, I can take her acting crazy for a certain amount of time. But for some reason today, I just went off. I guess it was all the pressure that was built up before we left for this weekend trip. It really sucks because I wanted to have a good time.. Moving on. After a while of being downtown, we finally got back to the parking lot where we parked and headed to the car. We were still arguing, of course, and she finally said something that actually shut me up. I said, "Well, since i'm keeping it real with you, I just wish you would do the same." Sonja:"WELL, since you want me to.... I dont know why you're talking to a 25 year old (he's 24). And I also don't see why he's talkin' to a little girl! What the f*ck?!! A little girl?! What is she tryin' to say, you know what i'm sayin'? As soon as we got on the highway tears just started going down my face. i had to keep my head out the window so that they could dry by themselves without my sister seeing my face. I swear, it hurt me so much. Is it okay, in any sense of the word, that we be together? Apparently not. It makes it so much harder for me to be strong and be down for who ever i am, and in this case was, with. You feel me? I'm like, shyt. I was ready for her to blurt out anything else. But I wasn't ready for that. Never in a million years did I think that was going to come out of her mouth. Man.... I don't know what I'm gonna do. At first I was thinking that I could possibly ease back into that relationship we once had, but it looks as though this is going to be a lot harder and challenging than i thought. any other time i would be up to the challenge, but not now. I don't want to face this at this point in time. It's not that i'm not ready, but i have so much on my mind and so much i have to do. God, Robert called me while i was still in the car, getting something to eat, and it was hard for me to talk. Didnt' know what to say, nor did i want to bring that up while sonja was in the car. F*ck mane. I am so down right now. My heart hurts now. I think I'm just gonna watch cartoons now. U know, something not so stressful......