PlaN of AcTioN

"Your career goals take on a very personal tint today. You might be too attached to an ideal, too locked into a tradition. A partner will be trying to help you but his or her lack of connection to your vision might inadvertently create distance."

I wish I had recieved this horoscope b4 today. Then I could've prepared myself a little better for what I was going to do...maybe a better plan of action. Well, while I was at work today I get a txt from bobby today and it says, "So what's up? did u not want me 2 spend the night? just asking". I said no and told him the primary reason why. However, I knew I couldn't keep this inside much longer. Not even 24 hours have passed, yet I was already needing to get what I felt out.... Well, I called him and told him how I felt about him coming over unanounced, which he seemed to pass over as a "whatever" type issue. I let that pass. Then i moved on to us being so intimate with each other, and him spending the night. First notion seems to always be that there's "someone else". GOD!!! I wish it were that simple. He goes, "You WANT TO BE WITH ME, BUT YOU DON'T. YOU WANT TO STOP LOOKING, BUT YOU DON'T! IT'S STUPID. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!" Thanks for stating the obvious. I eventually wasn't bullshitting and brought up the most important issue of all... the trust issue. I reiterated the fact that I have brought up many times before. B:"We've been through this and I understand where you're coming from!" I told him I didnt think that he was truly where I was on this issue. B:"I promise you that if we were going together RIGHT now, that I would trust you 100 percent. Apparently my word isn't enough for you". Right now, no one's is enough for me right now. I need ACTION! Talk is cheap, not saying he couldn't do it. But in the back of my mind, him bringing up my "attractiveness", Benny, all my male friends, and males in general trying to maybe talk to me makes me think otherwise about the trust issue. I finally made up my mind and said, "I just want to be alone". B:"Is it the whole commitment thing u don't want right now?" "I guess so", I said. B:"Well, then, you shouldn't be SEEING anyone at all. That's not fair to me". O M G. This is going to start trouble. Wait.... it already has. I'm furious, but I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH! Stop being so insecure! You know what we had/have. That relationship IS beautiful. It IS a good thing. Leave it as that. LEave it as it is until both of us get our own shyt and issues together. Stop trying to analyze and control what is going to happen between us. It seems like that's not the only thing you're trying to control right now... And it's fair to me that you're just going to wait until I decide that, oh, i want a relationship again!?!?!!??!!? This is just FUCKED UP....not just for me, but for you. Maybe I should just seclude myself so that i don't meet anymore new people, right? I guess that's the best plan of action.........................