What's Really Good?!

Welp. I moved into my apartment yesterday. Yup. i sure did. The place is pretty nice. I get my own bathroom, i get my own room... I just wish the room was a LITTLE bigger, but i'm sure i'll live. Ryan and Bobby helped me move all of my stuff, so we were done in no time. However, the whole time, bobby was just getting on my nerves. I was already getting in somewhat of a bad mood, but it got worse. What happened after the unpacking made me say in my head... What's REALLY good?! Well, I took out my photo album and plopped it on the bed. Bobby said he wanted to see it and I responded with a confused look, "but you've already seen it before". "Not ALL of the pictures", he replied. Well, I went outside to move my car and once i made it in my room i layed on the floor. All of a sudden Bobby says, "Who is this?". I said his name in french. It was Thomas. He goes, "is this thomas?" I say,"Yes?" He responded with "i know him" and tore up the picture. MY picture! In my head i was like, "WHATS REALLY GOOD?!!?" "Is he fuckin crazy!? Just TEARIN up my pictures and shyt?!!? What's the deal?" Oh my god. I was mad, but i was hella heated. Needless to say I was ready for both of them to just leave because I really didn't want to go off on him in front of Ryan. But at the same time, i'm thinking about how Bobby 1) tore up my picture, 2) did it in front of other company, and 3) did it at ALL in the first place. "WHOA" is what ryan was thinking inside his head at the time. I looked at his face, and I knew. At this point i thanked both of them for helping me move and started moving all the empty boxes towards the door. I told them that I had errands that I needed to run. It was close to 2 o'clock and i had a lot to take care of, so I wasn't lying about that. Ryan quickly got up and took the boxes to the street while Bobby just stood in the apartment. I'm like, "are u coming OUT?!!?" He finally exited the apartment for me to lock the door behind us all. That's when I go, "What's the deal?!" "Doesn't that look a little suspicious?! Don't you understand what I'm saying?! Do you not get it?". He's referring to the picture and how Thomas had on boxers with no shirt. He makes it sound like i have been cheating on him. I feel the guilt trip EVERYtime and I continuously fall for it. Except this time. I did not back down. I started going off and that's when he said "Let's talk about this inside". WTF!?!? WHATs REALLY GOOD?!!? You're telling me to talk about this inside in private when u tore up my picture and was actin crazy in public?!?! WHAT THE F*CK!?!? I was just extremely pissed off from that moment on. I started to make my way down the steps. I stopped to talk to ryan and let him know what i was planning to do the rest of the day. He said his farewells and left. Bobby stood there, with a look I have grown to know. It was stern. Unnerving. But i did not care. We walked to my car and he asked if i was coming over l8er. I said that I didn't know. WE battled back and forth about the matter until he said to just call him l8er. First he wanted to go on my errand run with me, but i knew that was a setup for me going off on him and a disaster as well. I told him i didn't know how long i was going to be out, and he finally let it go. "all i wanted to do was get some time with my own GIRLFRIEND!" I said I know, but today was a moving day. What more do u want from me!? We finally cut it out for the meantime and i got my car and left. After that, I went by the house, went to the bank, went to get some bathroom supplies, and headed back to the apartment for a minute. I left right back out and got a call from my friend Genevieve. She stays nowhere from the apartments so she asked me if she could come with me to go grocery shopping. I was like, "sure". Once she got there, we left. WE bought a few items (not NEARLY as many as i need) and she treated me to something to eat at Qdoba. WE hung out in the apartment for a short time and then she left. Ever since we went to the grocery store, Bobby continued to call me. For some reason, I couldn't seem to pick up the phone. I just couldn't. i didnt want to... I didn't want to talk. Besides, when i pick up the phone, what's gonna happen? Exactly. So i didnt answer. He sent me some texts, as well. I didn't reply. I had nothing positive to say. After Genevieve left, I got a call from Thomas. This time i actually answered the phone. (after about 30 days of not answering). "Where have u been?!" What's up?! Blah blah blah. And i told him everything that was up. I told him that I was still upset, but that we were still cool. "I hope so", he said. He alerted me of his new job, which i was happy to hear about. SOMETHING LEGITIMATE! LOL. Well, we didn't stay on the phone long, 'cause i really wasn't up for a conversation. I told him i would call l8er or tomorrow. He asked if he would ever be welcome to see me in person again and i said, "yeah, otherwise i would be in the wrong." I hung up the phone and hopped in the tub.... A few hours later, my friends Demetrius and Larry stopped by just to check out the apartment. After that, my mom and Sonja came by to scope out the place. Right after they left, I got a call from bobby and this time I answered. He said that he was on the highway. I'm like, "What?!?" "No no no!!", he says. "I haven't gotten off the exit yet, I'm just on the highway right now." (What difference does that make?! He was on his way over HERE!!! AGAIN!!! He's done this before. Who DOES That?!) Things were just getting crazy to me, but i said okay. I swear, it wasn't more than 10 minutes that we were off the phone that he made it over here. Ridiculous. He came in and i was not very happy, but i didn't mention him planning to come over unanounced. He just asked me a question when he walked in. "Is the reason you're upset over what I did earlier?" WHATS REALLY GOOD!!?? Why else what I be mad at him!?!? He asks the questions he has answers to.... I go, "yeah?". "can I just have 10 minutes with you alone?" I said yes. "U really dont want me over here, do u?" After today? Not really. I got a call from Whitney, saying she was on her way. I hung up and he was just sitting on the floor. He sounds apologetic, but i just dont know... After 10 minutes he leaves and whitney enters. then larry and demetrius come over and play XBox for a while. While they were over, they told me about how my boyfriend was just mean muggin' them as he was driving away in the car. I go, "are u for real?". I told them that he just looks intimidating. But they go on to say that "it wasn't just a quick looking over, but a stare". I had no doubt that that could have been the case. After getting this information out of them, demetrius leaves. Then larry leaves. Then my friend Chris from imo's comes over. The whole time I'm sitting there watching tv with chris and hearing whitney on the phone, i'm thinking... I'm thinking about how bobby always lets me know that i don't always get what he's saying. (i get some, not all. i see his points, but i dont live by them) But HE doesn't get a lot, either. (whitney leaves around 1:30, then chris after that) Who tears up someone else's pictures just because they don't like the situation? Who turns things into you're-the-guilty-one and i'm completely innocent? Who does that?!?! Who makes me feel like it's not okay for me to be alone sometimes because i have a boyfriend? Who just happens to FIND another journal that I have partially written in (xanga.com) if I have said nothing about it at all? Who takes journals and emails them to make me feel worse? I mean, What the hell?! I swear, everytime I think about him reading any other journal (good or bad), it makes me wonder.... I have NEVER said anything about it, yet u know about it? It's weirding me out, and I am started to feel uneasy. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe i'm overreacting. Either way, it makes me think about what's really good?