A Revelation?

Currently ListeningMezzanineBy Massive AttackThe Man Next Doorsee related
A Revelation?
Since the last entry, I've had some time to think. There's so much I want out of life, but the order that these things will be accomplished is unknown. I've never been the type of person to wait for something good to happen to me, for some opportunity to come to me. I make it happen. I find it. But there are some things in life that you can't rush or just MAKE available. What will I do about feeling lonely? I will work through that. Yes, yes... i know i have my friends and my family and if i didn't have them, i would truly be lost. But what i mean is not having someone on the same level as me. I'm starting to think that it's really just not in St. Louis for me. I don't think I will find that happiness, that person here. I've come to that realization... or at least i think i have. For right now, there are only two things I need to be concerned with... school and work. Work and school. That's it. Is it just me, or does one's mind not wander from time to time? Is not that simple to stay focused on the task at hand, but, well, i know it needs to be done.
I was just taking a lot at my degree audit and it seems that i MIGHT be able to finish JUST in time for graduation or just be in school for an extra semester b4 i finish. So close, yet.... well, u know. No cigar. Hmm. I daydream so much these days, yet I don't know why. Why? Why do i do that? I don't understand.... maybe it's not something that needs to be understood, but i do have an idea about what all this means. I think it means a few things. I think it means that instead of a real lover, i need a real friend. I think it means that I'm so caught up on occassionally daydreaming about my real first love that it's hard to get past it. It's something u'll always remember, u'll always think about. I think it means that I have to come to terms with the fact that people come in and out of your life for various reasons. And at the end of the day, there's nothing you can do about that. I think it means that I know that one of the jobs I currently have, I won't be there for a long period of time. I already know it doesn't fit me and i refuse to fake the funk. This may ring on deaf ears, but not in my head. Point blank: i think i will always love Bobby from the bottom of my heart. Even songs that I hear nowadays reminds me either of him or the time we spent together. I have no problem saying that. I also have no problem saying that I wonder what things would be like now if we had really started from scratch. Point blank: i haven't done anything with anyone in such a long time that i dont even remember what the pleasure of having some around feels like. I think i'm getting numb to emotional attachment. Everytime i get close to someone, it seems like they have to exit for one reason or another, and most of the time, there's nothing that can postpone that... you live and u learn ya? Well, i really think it's time for me to shut up now. My heart feels a little light now, now that i've gotten that off of my chest. Enuff of this "deep" entry.
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