Monday, March 21, 2005
WHAT am I waiTing FOr?
What the hell am I doing? I wish I could answer that question, but I'm quite unsure. However, someone close to me gave me some insight the other day and I'm glad she called. Calletta. I went to highschool with her and let's just say she always "keeps it real". We were talking about love and relationships and, well, Bobby's name came up, of course. She and I talked about our relationship and why we're no longer "together". I told her the main causes and how I felt about everything. I said, "I still have the mentality that I NEED to date, like i NEED to see what's out there? "For what?", she asks. "You've got something good. You know he loves you. Why you wanna f*ck it up? just to SEE what's out there? You know what's out there.... Not Much of nothin". "Why are you goin' lookin'? Somethin good has already found you. Besides. When you go looking, you usually find trouble, anyway". At that moment, I was like, "damn. She's right. What am I waiting for? What exactly AM I doing?". I don't think I'm going to look anymore. I can't even find the point for why I was originally going to. In a small part of me, I feel like I let myself down, as well as my heart. It knew what it wanted, but I ignored it. Unfortunately for right now, It WILL be ignored for a while longer. I realized that there are more important things that I have to worry about right now: school and work of course.. One day I won't have to keep my feelings on the back burner. Thank You, Calletta.
1 comment:
this is one of those things where I really can't say whether she's right or wrong but my belief is that calleta is right, not just b/c she's talking on behalf of defending me. on the behalf of the fact that, I've been all of that to you and some, you can't think of any one time that I've done you wrong or made you second guess my fatefulness to you b/c I've done nothing but been real with you. I've been your first everything and I'm really enjoying our time that we've spent together on every moment no matter if it's just a movie night or whateva, but I'm doing everything in my powers to continue to just be me....b/c that's just me. ask yourself this, Have I done anything to you wrong? have ever gave you a reason to wanna look for something else? have I made you feel like you weren't the only one in my life? besides you needing space to grow why shouldn't we be together? your happy with me and I'm happy with you like calleta says what are you waiting for? you've even said it, so what's the problem? I mean yes you need some you time and time alone but if you need that why can't you still be with me as you do that? I know this seems like alot of questions but it's just some stuff that I think really needed to be thought about. yea I might want our relationship to be for the longer run but who knows, you could want the same thing. so just don't look at my comments as me crying and giving reasons as to why I think we should be back together. like I've said confind with some of your other peers about our relationship , do a comparison the negative and the positive in our relationship and you'll see all the good that we have. I know that your mom might not have accepted our relationship at first but I think I could grow on her and she is and was starting to accept me more, so don't just throw away this b/c you wanna be alone b/c you know I'm persistant and I'm not gonna give up on this or you .....
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