As Far As I Know

I gotta give it to this South Florida journey.

It has definitely tested me in almost every way imaginable. It has thrown everything it possibly could at me, yet, I am somehow still standing. (maybe with a little bit of a limp) How, you may ask?

No idea. I thought I would be over this by now, but when you are constantly kicked in your core, how can you not respond or react to it eventually? How do you ignore what people are trying to do to you? Almost every day since my last entry, I have had to stop, think, and rethink my next move. And this isn’t to avoid confrontation or side eyes, but for myself instead. I can handle myself, as we all know, but I now feel as though I should not have to. I already experience this daily battle and refuse to let it kill the little joy and happiness I do have in my life. I swear, it almost made its way in there. I started taking everything so personally. One of two things will occur after a certain amount of time when you do that: You either break or you rebuild. I have chosen to rebuild. I have chosen to look past the B.S. and stay focused on my own goals and my own life. I only wish the best for others. I wish this could be reciprocated here. Ah well. Moving on.

MONEY! My least favorite topic of conversation -_-

I’m putting myself on a very strict budget and I am hoping to God that I can stick to it. It’s going to be SO hard, especially with things coming upon the horizon (unforeseen) all the time.

But I have to try. I really don’t have too many choices or options. It would be even harder if I did not have someone splitting the living costs with me (Knock on WOOD!) But like everything else, you deal with things as they come. For the amount I do compared to the amount I make, it’s just not enough anymore. Car payment and insurance crap aside, I’m paying tuition out of pocket now and still won’t be able to register until $2100 has been paid down. I need something that is going to get me somewhere else! I want to save for so many things in my life…. My own place (like, for real!). Not to rent. But to OWN. I want MY own. I want to be able to help take care of my parents (eventually). God, they have worked so hard to make sure my sister and myself NEVER went without anything! I want to work on being stable. I want to work on being even more independent. I have so many wishes and dreams. I just hope that I can eventually make them a reality. I can only confirm that this will not be where it happens….or begins. I have been nothing but let down by every aspect of this place. How unfortunate, especially considering that I had such high hopes :-\ They say that it takes years to really establish relationships with people here. Everyone tends to be “stand-offish”, if you will. Well guess what? I don’t have TIME for that! I have a life to live and am not going to waste years TRYING to get to know people. If I am in a world where people won’t even put forth minimal effort to get to know those that are different or new, why would I want that in my life? I am NOTHING like that, and have no intentions on converting. I’d rather continue to be this outspoken, dramatic, ballsy individual.  

I only have one life to live, as far as I know.