today is Sunday. It is 10:38 pm. I am not tired at all. I have been at work all day from 10:30 am to 5:20 pm. i don't want to go to sleep. i want to cry. I have no one to talk to. I feel so alone now. Winter break has started and I have done nothing so far. I know it's only the weekend, but I thought things would be different. I would actually leave the house when I wasn't working, but nothing is happening. I got into it with my mom the other day. she said i was getting loud with her, but i swear to god i was hardly talking about a whisper. when i don't talk in a normal boisterous voice, (well, maybe not boisterous) but a happy-happy voice, i obviously have an attitude or problem with her. I've been starting to ask myself, " why does she always have to be like that?" but, the disappointing factor about the situation in its entirety is that i can't conceive an answer. I know she loves me, but damn, sometimes she makes me wonder..... Our relationship is seriously getting worse and it's kinda crazy right now. I kinda feel like I'm trapped here. In this house. When I'm not at home, I feel like I can "breathe". But when I am here, I'm thinking, "oh god, I hope I don't step on any toes today. am i exaggerating? Yes, somewhat. But god! It seems like that's where it's going now. I think I just need to get out more. I mean, i am here everyday. and if i'm not, i'm working. it's ridiculous. my mom always tells me i need to work more and that I don't work enough. nothing is enough for her. geeze. i work more than any other person I know of. But it's just so NECESSARY for me to work more than 20 hours a week. I don't get it. I mean, I pay for so much by myself. Like, i just recently payed for my class ring. but i think I told u that already. I pay for my food for lunch. clothes. gas. watever. i mean, the thing they pay for that i need on a regular basis other than basic needs stuff is milk, cereal, and orange juice! Speaking of food, the only thing I've had all day is a bagel. that was when i FIRST went to work. so......it's been about 13 hours since the last time I ate something of substance. that is just crazy. yeah. i have to be depressed if i'm doing this to myself. whatever. i'm really not hungry,though. not gonna make myself eat, either. ah well. just gonna go to be again on an empty stomach. it's becoming kinda common 'round here. l8er. i'm gonna go watch cartoons or something.
No comments:
Post a Comment